It has been a long day, it's been many many years since my little children dressed up and went "trick or treating", today I reflected on all the years or making, creating or buying costumes. Depending on our financial status decided whether we created, bought or made. I think maybe some of the best were the years we created.  How I miss that? Funny, cause this is the first year I've really really missed it. Those dark nights with excited little children in the back seat, walking neighborhood after neighborhood. Stopping for fast food for supper. Silently praying that when we finally got home the excitement would somewhat be wore off and they'd drift into dreamland. Usually didn't happen exactly as I imagined but there excitement was worth the loss hours of sleep.
I miss them being little, I think sometimes I just miss them being at home. I treasure how they've grown and admire them as parents now themselves but Momma misses her babies most definitely tonight!

Who are you? Really?  Are you sure you know? Deep down?
Who were you? Who are you now?
The answer I've found is that we actually do get to decide...I love that?
It absolutely does not have to be dependent on what someone else has done, didn't do or won't do for you. It isn't about who you hang out with, what their thoughts are or what you hope they think of  you.
I love that too, becoming me was a transition, some didn't like, some did. Those that did, are still my friends and I treasure that!
I don't need to impress anyone, I DO NOT need to get on here to dog my husband, ect to get your attention. I like me, so if you like me, you'll read my words no matter what. I hold my head high and if at some point I hate my life and dont like me, I'll tell you. But what I WON'T do is dog others in my life, it's not funny, its not good writing, it's not gonna make anyone like you. You are still you and if you feel the need to put others down in your life, then you just havent decided what your life could and would be.
Stop blaming others, stop revealing their short-comings and focus at the thing on hand.....YOU!
Life will become much better and less tragic for you....The DRAMA you create is making you an idiot and you've lost all of YOU!

Searching

Sometimes we search for so long that we forget the goal, or the goal has been lost. So much other has happened that the original goal hardly matters anymore. It's important to remember here that the answer was always right there in front of you, either it wasn't being given clearly or you didn't want the answer you were seeing, but it was in fact probably right there.

It was probably during that time of comtemplation that you needed to stop, were you waiting on someone else to make a decision for you? We say no but in actuality, if we allow something we aren't happy with to continue, then I do believe that we were giving the other control to decide what would happen.

I know that sounds confusing, especially if you are relating it to the old saying "If you love something, let it go"

But that's it exactly, you have to let it go. It's not your struggle, it's not your fight and it's not your right. Therefore, all your left with is what you choose to do and it's not dependent on what someone else does or doesn't do.

It's up to you to make that decision prior, we should all have values and a stance and we should never be afraid to take that stance. It should be deep within us, like the fact that we know we would never commit murder or adultery, etc. It shouldn't never be questioned. And the pain comes from being that passive person that forgot what he/she stood for to begin with.

You opened the door to pain and therefore have allowed it.

New Beginnings

It's been so long since I've wrote that I feel I must start completely from the beginning.....

I'm happily married to the love of my life,  a man that stole my heart when I was 18 years old, after being torn apart by stupid, childish acts, somehow, maybe only through the grace of God, we found each other again after 25 years. That was 4+ years ago, today after much anguise, adversity and push, we are going strong. I'm a mother to 6 wonderful children that I cherish dearly, and 12 beautiful life changing grandchildren.

I'm a very busy person with a high profile, challenging career in the Oil & Gas field. I also have three direct sales businesses and a developing grapic design business. I love cake decorating and have learned that this hobby brings me an immense sense of reward.
 Life doesn't slow down at our house.

We just bought a beautiful house in a small town in the quiet of the country. Peaceful. I love it and this serene little setting has brought back the need to write again. So here we are.

I hope you enjoy what you read and I hope that my thoughts bring you peace, knowledge or revelation as you view.

Live your life

In the last several years, many changes have taken place in my life, some good, some great and some totally unexpected and unwanted.
My life is at a stable point right now and I like it that way but I acknowledge that to get it here, I practically shut down and took one step at a time. However, that doesn't change the fact that there were permanent changes that altered the rest of my life.
The end result for me has me thinking about the "rest" of my life. I like peace and quiet, but do I like it too much? I like stability, but could it also be that sometimes you need things stirred up to actually get you going again? Life is heading exactly where I wanted it to be, but I got so busy, preparing, repairing and recovering that life was also very boring. I've decided that amidst all this preparation and recovery, there was very little excitement in my life. It was mundane.
I love the financial place I'm at, I love the new home, I love the parents being moved closer and knowing that they are going to be taken care of. I love the kids all becoming more and more grown and stable. I love the fact that I have a great career and am starting to build my businesses.
However, I had to stop and ask myself, when was the last time that you weren't so busy that you actually got to have a little fun? Excitement eluded me....
The "stability" I searched out was taking the "fun" that I needed to be able to appreciate the stability. Is that a catch 22?
So as I continue to plan and reach financial and family goals, I refuse to stop "living" just to "LIVE"
There's not enough time with my family because of the job(s) and goals. And why have these things if you are giving up that which you most cherish and makes you who you are? I've discovered it's not worth retiring in a few years if I have to give up these years of happiness. I'm not changing my retirement plan or life goals but I am making time again for "fun"
I expect I will be as busy this year as I was last year, but there will be a healthy balance of business/family time.