Probably not many of you watch this show...I'm addicted to it. I love a F&B challenge, the adrenaline rushing, the madness, the kaos. I live for it and it brings a high like no other I've ever known.
In my grand fantasies I can see me competing (Ok, not really, I know I would bust my ass) But it does take me back to the time that Serena and I challenged other fellow chefs in the big city of Amarillo and it wasn't about winning or losing but just about being there in the moment. We took many first prizes and sometimes we didn't but either way, we felt excelled after the competitions. Man, how I miss that!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
For weeks now I've been saying I needed to get away...Wyoming has been calling me...Just a few days ago, three years ago, we left my Dad's ashes on a mountain...I miss him terribly
Though I know I can't get Dad back, I need to visit his town. I feel the need. Last time I was there, pain took over every other emotion I had, knowing that in a few short days, my brother and sister and I, would leave Dad spread upon a mountain. I just want to visit there, to drink coffee with those that used to share that moment with Dad in the local cafe, to drink a beer there with those that used to share a beer with Dad in the local tavern. I know it won't bring Dad back but he definitely left his mark there and I would like to re-visit the town and say thanks to those that kept Dad company, to those that watched out for him and treated him like family.
I texted my brother tonight and hopefully he can get away and meet me there. I'm going home to see Dad
Though I know I can't get Dad back, I need to visit his town. I feel the need. Last time I was there, pain took over every other emotion I had, knowing that in a few short days, my brother and sister and I, would leave Dad spread upon a mountain. I just want to visit there, to drink coffee with those that used to share that moment with Dad in the local cafe, to drink a beer there with those that used to share a beer with Dad in the local tavern. I know it won't bring Dad back but he definitely left his mark there and I would like to re-visit the town and say thanks to those that kept Dad company, to those that watched out for him and treated him like family.
I texted my brother tonight and hopefully he can get away and meet me there. I'm going home to see Dad
Friday, April 10, 2009
The ultimate ultimatum...
I hate ultimatums....I hate receiving and giving them. I do think they are a necessary action in our lives though. My aunt used to tell me to be sure when giving an ultimatum that you were ready for whatever the outcome. I've headed those words very seriously my entire life, which is why I almost never issue one. But there are times when you've tried everything else in your power and you are at that spot that finally you have to make a stand. Maybe it's not actually an ultimatum but it still feels like one. You have to say what's ok, what's acceptable and what needs to happen.. I think to get to this point, you are at that crossroads, there are only two ways to go. If you've issued that ultimatum, you know that either answer will be acceptable, you just need one to move forward in the direction you need to, and you feel that someone is keeping you at that crossroads.
I've wrote previous blogs about letting someone else make decisions in your life and I guess this is an extension of that. You are at that point where you are giving them once last option~~~
I know many people that need to get here. Need to find that ultimatum in their life. It's not giving them an ultimatum really, it's about deciding that if you can't receive what you feel you need, then you make the other choice. You know, "you can live with it, or you can leave it" Too often the person stays and becomes beat down, before long you find yourself changing your priorities, doubting your self-worth, your dreams, your wants. This is not healthy and in time it'll end anyway, if that person can't love you for who you are, good and bad, eventually if you dont stand up, you'll change into who you think they want you to be. But your life will be filled with resentment, self-loathing, anger and possibly hate because you no longer know who you are...And you can't find happiness
The ultimate ultimatum is what you are giving up within yourself, that's the highest price tag there is....and the hardest one to cash back in on.
"If you can stand for something, you'll fall for anything"
I've wrote previous blogs about letting someone else make decisions in your life and I guess this is an extension of that. You are at that point where you are giving them once last option~~~
I know many people that need to get here. Need to find that ultimatum in their life. It's not giving them an ultimatum really, it's about deciding that if you can't receive what you feel you need, then you make the other choice. You know, "you can live with it, or you can leave it" Too often the person stays and becomes beat down, before long you find yourself changing your priorities, doubting your self-worth, your dreams, your wants. This is not healthy and in time it'll end anyway, if that person can't love you for who you are, good and bad, eventually if you dont stand up, you'll change into who you think they want you to be. But your life will be filled with resentment, self-loathing, anger and possibly hate because you no longer know who you are...And you can't find happiness
The ultimate ultimatum is what you are giving up within yourself, that's the highest price tag there is....and the hardest one to cash back in on.
"If you can stand for something, you'll fall for anything"
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Spare me....
Beer drinking bitching, whining, ranting and raving blog...Your only warning.
I dont know if I should start from best to worse or vice versa...I guess the order won't matter and the shit I omit, well you'll just get the idea...I guess
My dog Paulette has decided to sleep most of the day and wake up around..oh I'd say between 3 and 3:30 am....and howl til I come back into the livingroom. I dont sleep much and not all that soundly so the last thing I need is this...As of this moment, she's over there on the couch trying to snooze. Every few minutes I have to say her name REALLY LOUDLY...The bitch aint' gonna keep me away tonight....And while Im at it, since she's returned from her little adventure last week, she has suddenly decided that every time I go to the bathroom to potty, she will too. She sits outside the door and watches me and then readys' herself to proceed with the deed. Now I'm a little old and had too many children to just cut something off in mid-stream, but she's forcing me...I dont think this is too cute though Im sure many of you find it humorous.
I've had a cruise planned for several months, I had thought that since I had only paid the deposit that with the economy and me being unemployed that I would just for go it right now...only to find Monday while checking my account, that it was too late, the travel agent had already taken care of it.
Well if I'm going on this cruise I have to have a passport, so I head to the court house, then to get a passport photo. Walgreen's or Walmart. Hell, I do not want to screw with Walmart right now. I'll run to Walgreens, I've only got about an hour before the court house closes. The damn photo department is down for maintenance, I basically force the man hiding behind the computers to acknowledge and ask when it might be done. He says 3-4 hours. I ask how long it'll take to get a photo, he says 5 minutes. Ok, well it's not gonna happen today. I go to Walmart, the photo store, man that woman is hiding too. I force her to talk to me only to hear, "Mam, we are closed til 3 pm (It's almost that time?) I said, "Oh, you are?" She replies in her most smartassedly (I dont care if that's a word or not) "Ummm, yeah, that's what the sign says, isn't it?"
I just glare at her. I'm running on empty here, no tolerance left for your walmart photo shooting ass. I'm sleepy, i gotta shampoo carpets and someone took 2100.00 outta my account without my permission, today is not the day to test to see if I took my menopausal MEDICINE!
Screw it, I'll try this again tomorrow. I stop at the store for beer! Yeah Beer!
Tomorrow's a new day right?
So today I head back to Walgreen's, guess what, yep the photo lab is STILL DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE! I have no choice, I have to go to Walmart, walk up to the lab. "Ummm, can I help you mam?" I feel like responding, well I'd hate to put your little minimum wage paid ass out but if I'm a bother, dont worry about it, I'll take names and call your management.
Instead I said "Yes, I need to get a passport photo" She comes back with "I can't do that til after 3"
Are you friggin kidding me? Seriously, two days in a row, I manage to come in at her lunch hour. She definitely could missed 5 minutes of her lunch. Hell, maybe the entire lunch hour wouldn't have hurt her. Ok, I know. That's shitty of me, sorry. I aint' leaving Wal-Mart til I've got a mug shot today, so I can pick up a few things while Im here, taking my time to kill a friggin hour. I returned at 3 pm....With a look of disgust on her face, "Mam, can I do something for you?"
I smiled......"I need a passport photo" For a full ten minutes she totally didn't acknowledge that I was standing there, that I had even spoken to her. What she didn't know or expect was that I am a very stubborn person, I calmly picked up one of business cards, took my sweet time studying the details, fished in my purse for my wallet and inserted it protectively. "Ok, mam, if you would like to step inside, I can get that for you" She proceeded with wanting to know where I was going, how lucky I was, blah blah blah. I had never seen a more pleasant person in my life. My passport photo shows the extreme shock of how someone turned in a moment of picking up a card from jeckl to Hyde.
Returning to the court house, I now only have about 25 minutes to get this done before they close, I realize I dont know what city my husband was born in...Well, we've only been married a few months and it just hasn't come up. I texted, I msg'ed, No response. Why do they need to know that anyway? The girl finally said i think just the state will do, I at least knew that. If my passport is rejected because he didn't return my call, well then....
I ran through Taco Bell or Mayo, or whatever it is, and was met with the friendliest set of people I've ever encountered. ???Yeah, I was totally shocked, these people went out of their way to be nice to me, to make me feel they appreciated my business. Hell, I'm only buying a Taco! Hell, yeah! I felt like leaving them all a outrageous tip. I definitely have to write Taco Bell.
I didn't just wake up in a bad mood today, Ive just had a really shitty couple weeks. Today just enhanced it. I arrived home, put up groceries, dipped the dog for fleas, cleaned my kitchen, all that stuff.
My oldest granddaughter chatted with me on messenger, telling me that "I" was her favorite person in the whole world. Then Liza called, she's not old enough to officially have a conversation but it's fun just the same. Paulette (my dog) chewed up her pacifier the other day and Jenn decided it might be the appropriate time to go ahead and break her. So everytime Liza is looking for her "mama", they remind her that Paulette ate it. On the phone, Liza very clearly was telling me that Pollie was a beckel (that means bad girl) and then after yelling about Paulette, she sweetly whispered "Nana, I want some mo canny (candy)" The horrible day I had totally slipped away between those two girls and the Taco Bell Team. Thanks you guys!
I dont know if I should start from best to worse or vice versa...I guess the order won't matter and the shit I omit, well you'll just get the idea...I guess
My dog Paulette has decided to sleep most of the day and wake up around..oh I'd say between 3 and 3:30 am....and howl til I come back into the livingroom. I dont sleep much and not all that soundly so the last thing I need is this...As of this moment, she's over there on the couch trying to snooze. Every few minutes I have to say her name REALLY LOUDLY...The bitch aint' gonna keep me away tonight....And while Im at it, since she's returned from her little adventure last week, she has suddenly decided that every time I go to the bathroom to potty, she will too. She sits outside the door and watches me and then readys' herself to proceed with the deed. Now I'm a little old and had too many children to just cut something off in mid-stream, but she's forcing me...I dont think this is too cute though Im sure many of you find it humorous.
I've had a cruise planned for several months, I had thought that since I had only paid the deposit that with the economy and me being unemployed that I would just for go it right now...only to find Monday while checking my account, that it was too late, the travel agent had already taken care of it.
Well if I'm going on this cruise I have to have a passport, so I head to the court house, then to get a passport photo. Walgreen's or Walmart. Hell, I do not want to screw with Walmart right now. I'll run to Walgreens, I've only got about an hour before the court house closes. The damn photo department is down for maintenance, I basically force the man hiding behind the computers to acknowledge and ask when it might be done. He says 3-4 hours. I ask how long it'll take to get a photo, he says 5 minutes. Ok, well it's not gonna happen today. I go to Walmart, the photo store, man that woman is hiding too. I force her to talk to me only to hear, "Mam, we are closed til 3 pm (It's almost that time?) I said, "Oh, you are?" She replies in her most smartassedly (I dont care if that's a word or not) "Ummm, yeah, that's what the sign says, isn't it?"
I just glare at her. I'm running on empty here, no tolerance left for your walmart photo shooting ass. I'm sleepy, i gotta shampoo carpets and someone took 2100.00 outta my account without my permission, today is not the day to test to see if I took my menopausal MEDICINE!
Screw it, I'll try this again tomorrow. I stop at the store for beer! Yeah Beer!
Tomorrow's a new day right?
So today I head back to Walgreen's, guess what, yep the photo lab is STILL DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE! I have no choice, I have to go to Walmart, walk up to the lab. "Ummm, can I help you mam?" I feel like responding, well I'd hate to put your little minimum wage paid ass out but if I'm a bother, dont worry about it, I'll take names and call your management.
Instead I said "Yes, I need to get a passport photo" She comes back with "I can't do that til after 3"
Are you friggin kidding me? Seriously, two days in a row, I manage to come in at her lunch hour. She definitely could missed 5 minutes of her lunch. Hell, maybe the entire lunch hour wouldn't have hurt her. Ok, I know. That's shitty of me, sorry. I aint' leaving Wal-Mart til I've got a mug shot today, so I can pick up a few things while Im here, taking my time to kill a friggin hour. I returned at 3 pm....With a look of disgust on her face, "Mam, can I do something for you?"
I smiled......"I need a passport photo" For a full ten minutes she totally didn't acknowledge that I was standing there, that I had even spoken to her. What she didn't know or expect was that I am a very stubborn person, I calmly picked up one of business cards, took my sweet time studying the details, fished in my purse for my wallet and inserted it protectively. "Ok, mam, if you would like to step inside, I can get that for you" She proceeded with wanting to know where I was going, how lucky I was, blah blah blah. I had never seen a more pleasant person in my life. My passport photo shows the extreme shock of how someone turned in a moment of picking up a card from jeckl to Hyde.
Returning to the court house, I now only have about 25 minutes to get this done before they close, I realize I dont know what city my husband was born in...Well, we've only been married a few months and it just hasn't come up. I texted, I msg'ed, No response. Why do they need to know that anyway? The girl finally said i think just the state will do, I at least knew that. If my passport is rejected because he didn't return my call, well then....
I ran through Taco Bell or Mayo, or whatever it is, and was met with the friendliest set of people I've ever encountered. ???Yeah, I was totally shocked, these people went out of their way to be nice to me, to make me feel they appreciated my business. Hell, I'm only buying a Taco! Hell, yeah! I felt like leaving them all a outrageous tip. I definitely have to write Taco Bell.
I didn't just wake up in a bad mood today, Ive just had a really shitty couple weeks. Today just enhanced it. I arrived home, put up groceries, dipped the dog for fleas, cleaned my kitchen, all that stuff.
My oldest granddaughter chatted with me on messenger, telling me that "I" was her favorite person in the whole world. Then Liza called, she's not old enough to officially have a conversation but it's fun just the same. Paulette (my dog) chewed up her pacifier the other day and Jenn decided it might be the appropriate time to go ahead and break her. So everytime Liza is looking for her "mama", they remind her that Paulette ate it. On the phone, Liza very clearly was telling me that Pollie was a beckel (that means bad girl) and then after yelling about Paulette, she sweetly whispered "Nana, I want some mo canny (candy)" The horrible day I had totally slipped away between those two girls and the Taco Bell Team. Thanks you guys!
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