Paying for your raising....

We've all been burdened with the mother's curse, right. You know the one that goes like this when you've drove Mom to the absolute limits, "I hope when you grow up you have 10 kids JUST like you" And though Mom probably didn't mean it in quiet that sense, we've all had that kid that was so much like us, we didn't know what to do with them.
My children are grown and I thought that I had truly paid for my raising, some of them made me pay more than once. :)
But today I discovered that it's not our children that's going to make us pay, it's our parents. I've realized and accepted for years that when it come time to take care of my parents that I would be the one to do it. There's only my sister and I, and with her having a handicapped child, she can't do it. Which is the main reason I moved to Duncan three years ago. My parents aren't old by any means, Mom had me when she was a month 16, and Dad is only two years older, so I expected that I'd have a few more years.
The last few months has shown me that the time is getting closer and closer, though they are tough and stubborn, I am seeing the deteoriation daily. Dad has sick been sick for about 5 years, but now that Mom is failing, it scares me. It actually scares the hell outta me.
Can I do it? Yes in a heartbeat and I will do it to the best of my ability. But getting my parents to relent and let me is a whole other issue. A few months ago my youngest daughter called me after dropping me off at the airport, Mom was driving my vehicle and had to call her to ask how to put gas into my car, it scared her and scared me. This summer I've kinda been at their beck and call, can you take us here or take us there, can we ride with you, etc. Believe me that's no problem, I will take them whereever they need to go.
But it's laid on my mind, what actually can they handle? Mom has been trying to teach Dad to order his own medicine and Dad refuses, even after Mom stating that if something happens to her what will happen. You know what he says, he says, "Angie will do it" Ok, I will and he knows it, but it dawned on me that I'm not even sure of his doctors name or what medicine he takes when. They quickly took care of that the last doctor visit, the dr. wrote me out a list of what Dad takes and when...It's safely stored just in case.
Today Mom was over at the house and for whatever reason she brought her mail in and was going through it, she had paid three utility bills recently and was getting responses from them, saying they had only received empty envelopes. Well we all have memory lapses, but Mom was mad at the mail service, thinking she didn't seal the envelopes and they had lost the checks...Ok maybe but not likely. Likely is that Mom never filled out the checks.
My dilemma is not taking care of them but getting them to relent to let me take care of them....My karma for my raising will be that I was raised by willful stubborn people and they arent' likely to relinquish control yet, even though it's obviously time for them to do so.

Indecisiveness

This week I'm officially once again unemployed....regrets rack at my being about what should I have done differently 10 months ago when I was first laid off. But patiently waiting for a life to begin that hasn't yet, altered my decisions back then and maybe even are now. But never the less....
I find that I'm torn between what is deep in my blood, the food industry or what my bank account would like me to do, the oil and gas. ThSatough I'm pulled and often think I should just make this call myself and do what I love and miss and yearn to do on a daily basis, I'm paralyzed to make that decision.
I have given it to God, I pray daily for his direction in the area HIS will will take me. So in actual preparation for that, I've had to think about 2 seperate resumes and any area that I could be called. I try to take my mind and thought out of places, states or towns that I dont think I would want to be. So in fairness, my resumes are out there in as many states, towns and places I could get them. Beings I'm here in Central Oklahoma, my walk-ins will contain me to this general area, so if I'm expected to go elsewhere, it'll take one of those online resumes getting noticed. I've left nothing out here, I've called old employers, co-workers and colleagues to put myself out there as much as possible.

I'm ready and excited to start something new. I'm ready to continue learning and moving up and only God knows what career choice that'll be, but I am anxious to begin now. I expect to start having some call backs the end of this week or beginning of next week.
I'll let you know as soon as I do... Wish me luck!